Apparently Bambi and Thumper do exist and these picture were taken in Albert, Canada. So cute.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's...

 
… adopt a dog.

If you want someone who's always willing to go out with you, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want…

… adopt a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies…

… then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores…

 

…then, yup, adopt a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of his attention, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually…

.. . . Then adopt a dog!

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who never responds when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness…

 
… then adopt a cat!

Now be honest; you thought I was gonna say a man, didn't you?

More wonderfulness at http://wondermark.com/429/.

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama’s Nationalized Health Care Plan

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said,"Oh, Grow Up." 

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. 

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the asses in Washington.

Jim and I saw a special on TV about how they filmed this and it was fascinating. They filmed the actual skaters who were grownups and morphed the footage into baby bodies. Then they took actual babies and move them so that their heads would nod in time to the whatever the actual skater was doing.

It’s part of the Evian Live Young campaign at http://www.evianliveyoung.com. Enjoy.

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City Public School System. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week..
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

*******************************************

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country.

16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'
13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9. 'Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '
8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
2... 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS....
1. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right. We don't. Sign here.'

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I come with him tomorrow?'

This was horrifying, but true. It is confirmed at Snopes and they have a link to the original blog. It is heart breaking. http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/pimpleball.asp

On June 22, 2008 , my 10-year old lab mix, Chai, sustained a severe injury from a product that the company Four Paws, Inc., produces. The toy I'm referencing is the pimple ball with bell (Item #20227-001, UPC Code #0 4566320227 9). While chewing on the toy, a vacuum was created and it effectively sucked his tongue into the hole in the ball. From speaking with my vet, this likely occurred because there is not a second hole in the ball preventing the vacuum effect from happening. I became aware of this when Chai approached a friend at my home whimpering with the ball in his mouth. She tried unsuccessfully to remove the ball but the tongue had swollen and could not be released.

Read more...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.  "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Amber, her mother, and I made a gingerbread house. Josie wouldn't let us take any pictures of her but we caught some nice ones on Amber.

Happy holidays everyone.

             Just Remember:

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written

    An impressive new book.  It's called .

   'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink

    And be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and

    Your boss,  the Pope only expects you

    To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant

    Flash  and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to

    Your door is if you're in  the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.

    The seat folded up, the drink spilled and

    That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes

    Now, of course, there's

    shipping and handling, too.

8 A husband is someone who, after taking

     the trash out, gives the impression that

     he just cleaned the whole house.

9 My next house will have no kitchen - just

    Vending machines and a  large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my

   Mechanic might try to rip me off.

      I was relieved when he told me all

      I needed was turn signal fluid.'

11. Definition of a teenager?

     God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may

     The splinters never point the wrong way!

May God bless you all!

One sunny day in January, 2009, an older gentleman approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'

The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.' The old man said, 'Okay', and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.' The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?'

The older fellow looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.'

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow, Sir.'

This from our friend Kelly:

Pets' highly sensitive noses pick up scents before humans can. Therefore, don't be surprised when Fluffy and Fido are underfoot in the kitchen while Thanksgiving holiday goodies are being prepared. Watch those hot containers filled with turkey and ham drippings. The pets can easily tip them over causing severe scalding and burns to themselves.

Don't feed pets the cooled drippings either.  Human seasonings aren't good for pets, plus the fact that the rich stock and drippings can easily upset pets' digestive systems.

Though it's so tempting, don't give your pet large quanitities of cooked turkey and ham during the holidays. Again, human food is too rich; overfeeding of human food can cause additional health problems and feeding human food will often lead to unsatisfactory eating habits when given pet food at their regular mealtimes. Consumption of human food can also result in pitiful begging, an aggravating habit hard to break, when the family sits down for meals.

BONES ARE DANGEROUS! Please, please don't feed your pets cooked bones, especially poultry bones. Poultry bones splinter easily - each year thousands of pets are treated for consumption of splintered bones, causing pain and sometimes death.

Increased activity and visitors during the winter holiday season can upset your pet's routine. Try to keep your pet on his regular schedule for feeding and exercise and be sure the pet gets plenty of love.

If you are planning to take your pet with you when visiting friends and relatives during the holidays, be sure to contact them in advance to find out if your pet is welcome. Because of the excitement during the holidays, it might be best for you and your pet to board your pet or hire a reputable pet sitter.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Kelli, Cheetahsden Texas, www.cheetahsdenbengals.com

A woman was sitting in the waiting room for her first appointment with a new dentist.

Looking around the room, she noticed his DDS diploma, which listed his full name. Suddenly, she remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in her high school class some 40-odd years ago.

Presently, her new dentist called her in.

Upon seeing him, she quickly discarded any such thought that this dentist was her old classmate. He was a balding, gray-haired man with a deeply lined face who looked way too old to have graduated the same year as she. Besides, his name was a common name. Still, she couldn't resist asking him if he ever attended her school. "By any chance, did you ever attend Lawton Senior High School?" she asked.
"Yes, I did!" he said proudly. "I'm a Wolverine."

"When did you graduate?" the woman asked.

"In 1966," he answered. "Why do you ask?"

"I remember you!" the woman answered. "You were in my class!"

The old man looked at her closely. "Really?" he said. He then asked, "What did you teach?"

This will just make you feel good.

which is ridiculous because if it wasn't for alcohol, most women wouldn't get pregnant.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab...

I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'